Tales > Boredom Strikes Again

James: What are we doing in front of Robyn's computer, Padfoot?

Sirius: Well, there seems to be a whole lot of cruddy fan fiction out there, so I figured we could write a story. Basically, if some of these people can do it with a mere third grade reading level, then it shouldn't be too hard.

Remus: I don't know. Takes you long enough to write your essays for class.

Sirius: Moony, that's not stupidity, that's procrastination.

Remus: It's a fine line between them.

James: One more line we cross early and often. *grins*

Remus: I miss my sanity...

Sirius: Okay, how should we start this?

Peter: Once upon a time?

James: That's a bit...juvenille, isn't it?

Remus: I give it points for good grammar.

Sirius: Alright.

Once upon a time there was a greasy, big-nosed git named Snapey-poo.

James: Snapey-poo? Have you been in the sugar again?

Remus: Sounds like something his mum would call him.

James: That truly is a face only a mother could love.

Sirius: Do you two mind? I'm trying to write a story here and you're not helping.

James: Here, I'll help out a bit.

Once upon a time there was a greasy, big-nosed git named Snapey-poo. He lived in a dark, dingy dungeon with his fellow snakes, though even they didn't like him that much.

One day, he asked his mirror, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, why am I so ugly?"

Remus: Uh, Prongs...That's usually supposed to rhyme.

James: Who says?

Remus: ...I don't know, but it's supposed to rhyme. It's in a muggle fairytale and everything.

Peter: How's he supposed to know about a muggle fairytale?

Remus: I told you you should have taken Muggle Studies.

Sirius: If you're so smart, you write the fic!

Remus: Okay then...

One day, he asked his mirror, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, why am I the ugliest git of all?"

James: Wow Moony, I'm impressed. You managed to rhyme AND insult Snape.

Remus: I try. Can I continue?

James: By all means...

The mirror did not reply, for it had cracked into a million pieces. His only friend beyond repair, Snape set out into the Forest of Doom in search of new friends.

Sirius: Forest of DOOM?

Remus: *shrugs* Adding 'of doom' to something makes it sound cooler.

James: The exam...of DOOM! Hey, you're right.

Sirius: The choclate bar...of DOOM!

James: The houseelf...of DOOM!

Sirius: The pumpkin pasty...of DOOM!

James: The umbre...

Remus: That's quite enough. You're giving me a headache.

James: Is it a headache...of DOOM?

Remus: No, but it will be a headache of your doom if you don't stop it.

Sirius: Is it at least covered in chocolate?

Peter: Someone can't wait for lunch.

Sirius: Like you're one to talk Wormtail. :P

Peter: My turn to write!

As Snape skipped merrily down the forest path

James: *laughing* Snape?

Sirius: *laughing also* Skipping?

James & Sirius: MERRILY?! *fall over laughing*

Remus: Peter, that is a rather strange image... *snickers*

Peter: Oh sod off. *continues typing*

As Snape skipped merrily down the forest path, a large, ugly animal with big goofy horns blocked his way.

James: Ha ha, Pete. Just because I'm a cooler animal than you.

Sirius: You have to admit, Prongs. You are a walking coat rack.

James: *mutters* Man's best friend, my arse...

Sirius: *grins and starts typing*

As Snape skipped merrily down the forest path, a large deer blocked his way.

"Hello Mr. Deer," Snape said. The deer said nothing, since deer can't talk or anything cool like that. Instead it just stood there staring at Snape, trying to figure out what part to puncture with his antlers first.

James: Much better. And I vote for his leg. Then he can't get away as fast.

Remus: You've thought about this too much, Prongs.

James: Actually I haven't thought about it at all before now. And when I'm a stag all I can think is how I hate chasing squirrels.

Remus: What? I think they're interesting.

Sirius: About as interesting as History of Magic.

Remus: ...but I like that class. :P

But before the deer could decide what to do with him, Snape decided that he'd scared the poor thing, which seemed to be too stupid to understand simple phrases.

James: Ouch, Moony. Okay, I take back what I said about squirrels. You can chase'em all you want next month, okay?

Remus: *smiles* Thank you.

Sirius: This fic is going nowhere.

Peter: What were you expecting? The Great American Novel?

James: As we're British, not really.

Peter: The Great British Novel, then.

James: No. But this is getting boring. Let's go prank Snape instead of writing about him.

Remus: But what about the fic?

Sirius: Oh I'll fix that..

Snape turned to leave, but a shadow suddenly swooped down, grasping Snape in its large claws and carrying him off to a village of thatched-roof cottages. Fearing for his life, Snape squirmed out of his captor's grasp and tried to flee along with a myriad

Remus: Myriad? Someone's been into the dictionary recently.

Sirius: Will you let me finish?

Remus: Oh alright you big baby. Hurry up.

Fearing for his life, Snape squirmed out of his captor's grasp and tried to flee along with a myriad of peasants. But it was all for naught as they all were burnt to a crisp in a burst of flame.

Sirius: TROGDOR STRIKES AGAIN!

Remus: Who the devil is Trogdor?

Sirius: *as if this is painfully obvious* He's the Burninator, of course.

Remus: That isn't even a word.

Sirius: Is so. Saw it on a website.

Remus: If you read on a website that I was your lesbian lover and James was our lovechild, would you believe that, too?

Sirius: ...I honestly don't know what to say to that one. Prongs? Some help?

James: *staring blankly at Remus* I...I can't think of anything either.

Remus: *rolls eyes* Stop the presses.

Sirius: Moony...do I even dare *ask* where that thought came from?

Remus: What are you talking about?

James: Maybe he's be into Angie's bookmarks again.

Remus: I have not!

Sirius: Then you came up with that all by yourself?

Remus: *shrugs* Most bizarre thing that came to mind.

James: Your mind is a scary place, my friend.

Sirius: Just imagine the things he imagines and DOESN'T say...

Remus: Can we finish the fic before this goes anywhere you're going to regret?

James & Sirius: Too late.

Remus: *sigh* I'll finish it, then!

Snape, having become a toasty smudge of charcoal on the village square, never bothered anyone again with his grease or annoying attitude.

THE END

James & Sirius: HOORAY!

James: But who would we annoy if that really happened?

Sirius: We should send Trogdor after old Voldie.

Remus: Trogdor isn't real, you git.

Sirius: But he's as real as we are!

*silence*

Sirius: Lunch time. *gets up and runs out of the room*

James: Translation: "I said something hugely depressing and thought-provoking, so I am going to cover it with silliness and chocolate."

Peter: I didn't know you were fluent in Padfoot-ese.

James: It's a gift.

Remus: We'd better catch up with him before he eats Robyn out of house and home. Again. Should we save this travesty?

James: We could just leave it up for Robyn to find.

Remus: It'll probably amuse her.

Peter: And if not, we can blame it on Sirius.

James & Remus: *stare at Peter*

Peter: What? It was his idea.

James: *sigh* Let's just go get some lunch.

*Remus and James get up and leave*

Peter: What'd I say? *follows after everyone*

Robyn: I don't own Trogdor. If you have no idea who Trogdor is, visit HomestarRunner.com. Everyone needs to be introduced to Trogdor!. Trust me, it's HILARIOUS. [Be sure to have your sound turned on for this. ;)]