Tales > Afterlife

This sounded really funny in my brain. Since I've essentially come to terms with the fact that Sirius is actually dead, I feel I can be a little funny about it. That, coupled with the fact that I had read Sirius' first line somewhere on BoardAtWork.com, brought this conversation out. It's vaguely morbid, but I think it's funny. Heh.

Somewhere in the Great Beyond, three familiar faces are sitting around together...

Sirius: There's a subtle finality to death. *thinks* Actually, I guess it's not that subtle at all.

James: *stares* When did you get all philosophical?

Sirius: When I got killed by drapery.

James: *snickers* When you say it like that, it sounds really, really stupid.

Sirius: *sigh* I know. So you're going to have to make up for my poor exit, Moony! Take out entire buildings when you go, or something.

Lily: Can he opt to not go at all and keep an eye on Harry instead?

Sirius: ...you know, that might be a better idea.

James: You did get a decent last line, though.

Lily: Yes, it was very you.

Sirius: I still wish I could have at *least* dragged Bella through with me.

James: "Come on, you can do better than that!" It would have worked better had you *not* been standing directly in front of an eerie veil.

Sirius: Hey, I was trying to keep your son from getting himself killed when he was trying to save me when I wasn't in danger.

Lily: That was a mouthful.

Sirius: It's true, though.

James: *snickers* Drapery....

Sirius: *glares*

James: Sorry, it's still funny.

Sirius: You'd think that the Department of Mysteries would have had more security around something called the "Room of Death."

Lily: This *is* the Ministry we're talking about. They're not always the brightest bunch in the world.

Sirius: They're either Order members or complete nutjobs like Fudge. Though I suppose there are some perfectly ordinary witches and wizards in there.

James: Maybe being Minister of Magic requires that you be insane to some degree.

Sirius: Oh, then you'd make a perfect Minister.

James: Only if I get to institute national holidays.

Sirius: I think that comes with the job title.

James: Wicked! I'm in.

Lily: I think there's one requirement you're missing, dear.

James: What's that?

Lily: A pulse?

James: That would make things a little difficult, I'd imagine.

Sirius: Sometimes I wonder if Fudge actually has one. He certainly doesn't have a spine.

James: Too bad we can't go back and prank him from beyond the grave. That would be way too much fun.

Sirius: Oh, come on! Think bigger, Prongs! We're already dead, so why not go for the gold. Prank old Voldie! It's not like he could kill you *again*.

Lily: Hmm, I suppose you're right.

Sirius: Did hell just freeze over? Lily agreed with me!

Lily: *sticks tongue out at Sirius*

James: You could always go haunt Bella's drapery...

Sirius: I hate you, Prongs.

James: *grins*

Sirius: It's not like I could drive her insane. She's already way past that point.

Lily: All of the inbreeding couldn't have helped. Wasn't she married to a cousin or something?

Sirius: Pureblood families like mine tend to do that. World's probably better off without them.

James: I'm sure the world could have handled a Padfoot Junior or two.

Lily: To go with Prongs Junior? Ha, somehow I don't think McGonagall would particularly enjoy that.

Sirius: Aw, she loved us, Lils!

James: Why worry about McGonagall? It's Snape that they'd terrorize. *grins*

Sirius: All they'd need is a voice of reason to fail to keep them in line and they could be the next Marauders.

Lily: They do already have Hermione. Though she's more vocal about telling them to stop doing dangerous things than Remus ever was for you two.

James: Actually, I think Hermione's starting to go along with a lot of the stuff Harry and Ron do. Hell, she thought up the DA.

Lily: That's true...but that Umbridge woman was horrible. You can hardly blame Hermione for starting a real DADA class so that students who wanted to be able to defend themselves could.

Sirius: Ah, and they found such a good use for the Room of Requirement. I haven't seen that place in ages.

James: It served us well in our years at Hogwarts.

Lily: Is that how Filch hardly caught you?

Sirius: Nah, only one of the reasons. We are the writers of the Marauder's Map, after all. We know that castle like the backs of our hands!

Lily: Too bad that knowledge wasn't put to better use.

James: What? We never really hurt anyone.

Lily: Be that as it may, you were horrible, obnoxious twits.

Sirius: We grew out of it. Mostly.

James: You really did hate us back then, didn't you?

Lily: I didn't expressly *hate* you, it's just that I wished you weren't complete jerks all the time to Severus, and you certainly didn't have to go around acting like you owned the place.

Sirius: You know, Prongs, if you'd deflated your head a bit earlier than seventh year, you could have been dating Lils a lot longer.

James: It all worked out in the end, though.

Lily: It did, at that. I never really hated you, I just wanted you to stop acting all the time and be a normal human being.

Sirius: James? Normal? You *are* joking, right?

James: *glares*

Sirius: Seriously, though. He's far from normal. He illegally became an animagus at the age of 15...

James: *grabs a handy cloak*

Sirius: ...he partcipated in the possibly illegal creation of a map of Hogwarts' castle and grounds...

James: *sneaks up behind Sirius*

Sirius: ...and he ran around with a werewolf on a monthly basis.

James: *drapes the cloak over Sirius*

Sirius: GAH! Nooooooooooooooo! *wrestles with cloak, but looks more like he's just failing his arms wildly*

James: *laughing hysterically*

Lily: Sometimes I wonder if you ever really did grow up.

James: I'm sorry, but I just had to.

Sirius: *has wrestled the cloak off his face*

James: *grins*

Sirius: *glares, but smiles a bit anyway*

James: So, wanna go watch people again? Maybe we can finally figure out how to hex Snape to tink from here.

Sirius: Well, it's either that or I hex you.

Lily: Men. *rolls eyes*

James: *wraps an arm around Lily's waist* Aww Lils, what would a little harmless tinking do?

Lily: Distrupt his class?

Sirius: We could always find Voldemort and make him tink...

Lily: *thinks about Voldemort tinking...and starts to giggle*

Sirius: I thought so.

Lily: Well, if anyone in the world deserves to blink bright and offensive colors, it's that git.

James: Let's see if we can get that hex to work, then...