Ask the Marauders > February 12, 2007

Name: DEAD FERRET:)
Do you guys now have lives?

Sirius: Lives? Define lives?

James: Well, um, 3/5 of us are dead, so I don't know if we're capable of having lives anymore.

Lily: I don't think that was the question, exactly. I think Dead Ferret here is referring to the fact that we haven't posted an AtM in a very long time.

Peter: Ah, I suppose a month or two is a long time.

Remus: But there has been a lot going on.

Lily: Before we started writing this one, the last one had been posted October 13. Not counting the one the girls threw up today that was from back in December sometime, of course.

Sirius: It's not our fault they keep getting busy and, well, having LIVES. Ugh, the nerve, going out and having lives when we can't. *pouts*

Remus: Angie still has school, you know.

James: I hear Robyn had several dentist appointments. That must have been fun. What with the poking and drilling and so forth.

Lily: Actually, she said the work she had to get done wasn't really as bad as it sounds. It was more superficial and the result of not having gone to the dentist in two years. Very bad, by the way. I think you're supposed to go every six months.

Peter: Drills. *shudders*

Sirius: And that bloke of hers keeps distracting her from her work. So inconsiderate!

James: Please, like you don't distract people when they need to be working.

Sirius: I entertain, there is a difference.

Lily: I fail to see the difference, but that isn't all that surprising. you are a very hard mind to understand, Sirius.

Sirius: Thanks! *grins*

Name: ~SQUIGGLY~
James, when you were captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, did you have a pep-talk before each match like Wood did? If so, did Sirius and your other teammates constantly interrupt you?

James: I guess I gave pep talks? I mean, that's kind of in the job description. And yes, Padfoot interrupted me. A lot. He does that in normal conver-

Sirius: I most certainly do NOT!

James: See what I mean? *evil grin*

Sirius: Your pep talks were always entertaining, Prongs. If not all that helpful.

Peter: Did he tell you not to aim the bludgers at the stands?

Sirius: You know, that joke actually did get old after a while. That was an ACCIDENT.

Remus: You call that an ACCIDENT?

Lily: Yes, a bludger zooming at Remus' head was an accident.

Sirius: Why would I aim one at Moony? Snape, on the other hand....

Peter: If you were aiming for Snape, you might want to borrow Prongs's glasses.

Sirius: Har har har...

Name: Stag-fan (LOVES James)
James, do you get angry sometimes because your not really in the books TOO much? I would.

James: Um, I'm kind of, you know, dead, so I don't see how I can be in the books all that much. I've apparently managed to be in every single movie somewhere, though. Even if it's just photographs.

Sirius: You're there in spirit, heh heh heh.

Lily: Is that supposed to be a ghost joke or a patronus joke?

Sirius: ...you know, I'm not sure.

James: But yeah, not really annoyed. It's not my story. I only find the jokes annoying. *glares at Sirius*

Name: Why do you ask?
Have you ever licked a pole when it was cold out?

Sirius: On a dare.

James: You've done anything on a dare.

Sirius: Not anything. Almost anything. There is a difference.

Peter: However slight.

Remus: And there is VERY little that Sirius won't do.

Lily: What did you get for licking said pole?

Sirius: Besides fame and glory?

Lily: *raises an eyebrow*

Sirius: 5 knuts.

Lily: That's it?

James: It was first year and it's all we had between us at the time. Eleven-year-olds don't carry that much cash around.

Name: Curiosity killed the DOG!
What's your dream Christmas present that could be bought a Muggle Store? *hugs Remus and runs out of the room smiling*

Remus: *blinks*

James: I want that Nerf sniper rifle that Robyn wants.

Lily: Merlin, why?

James: Isn't it obvious? To snipe people with!

Sirius: Can we soak the darts in paint or something before we shoot people?

James: Or a potion. There are many options.

Lily: That's just what we need, you two armed and stupid.

Peter: Isn't the phrase 'armed and dangerous'?

Lily: Not in this case.

Remus: Maybe it should be 'armed and stupid and dangerous'?

Name: interrogater
If you guys made your own Quidditch team, what would you call yourselves and who would play what position?

Sirius: Well, I'd be a beater, naturally. It's fun, aiming bone-crushing bludgers at people. *evil grin*

James: Yeah, and I'd be a chaser. I'd not object to being captain, either.

Peter: Dare I ask what you would call yourselves?

Sirius: This is a hard decision.

Remus: Are you sure about that?

Lily: The Flying Baboons?

James: Thanks, Lils.

Lily: Not a problem, dear. *grins*

Sirius: If we want to be truthful, we should be using something like the Studmuffin Aces or something.

Lily: *raises an eyebrow* Studmuffin Aces?

Sirius: Off the tip of my tongue.

Lily: Your tongue is a weapon of mass idiocy. *sigh*

Sirius: Why thank you!

Name: Merrilyn
This one is for James, sorry Sirius. Anyway, when you were thinking of what you wanted to do once you left school, did you ever think of joining a Quidditch Team or did you just want to be an Auror or w/e it was you decided on?

James: Ah, I kinda wanted to play quidditch. I mean, why wouldn't I want to play my favorite sport for a living? I was good enough at it that I probably could have done alright. But being an auror has its own allure, you know.

Lily: Yeah, I bet the majority of Gryffindor boys want to be aurors or cursebreakers. I bet discussing your futures drove poor Professor
McGonagall insane.

Sirius: Oh, it can be far worse than wanting to save the world and break things.

James: What did you tell her you wanted to be?

Sirius: Which list do you want, the serious one, or the Sirius one?

James: On second thought...

Lily: Ahem, to answer the question, James was kind of torn between the two. Either way he'd get to get into trouble for a living. Something he's uniquely qualified for.

Sirius: Hey, I'm qualified, too!

Lily: *sigh*

Name: prongs2padfoot2moony2
Was Snape ugly as a baby?

Peter: And we're supposed to know this how?

Sirius: I've never seen the bugger's baby photos. Not that I have any sort of need to see'em, but just putting that out there.

Lily: That's kind of unfair. Not everyone looks the same as a baby as they do when they're older. For all you know he could have been a cute baby.

James: I think I just threw up a little.

Sirius: Lils, I know Prongs loves you and all, but are you insane? He probably had a nose bigger than the rest of him when he was born!

Lily: I don't think that's even possible.

Sirius: Anything's possible in the magical world.

Lily: Yeah, since I didn't think you could be more of a git than you already were. Thanks for proving your statement before even making it.

Remus: But I really don't think Snape could have been that good-looking as a baby...

Name: Aladima
What is your favourite use of a candy cane?

Sirius: Pretending to be a walrus.

All: *stares*

Sirius: What? Were you expecting me to make some horribly perverted joke there?

James: In a nutshell? Yes.

Sirius: Do you think so little of me?

Lily: No, we just expect so little of you.

Peter: Hehe, walrus...

James: The candy cane swords were fun last year.

Sirius: I still think the rabid candy cane monsters were funnier.

James: If by funnier you mean got us more detentions, then yes.

Remus: But everyone's reactions were funnier.

Name: Dumbledore is Santa!
Is it scientifically possible for Santa Claus to exist?...I know I misspelled something in that....

James: No worries about the spelling. That's what spellcheck is for.

Sirius: Translation - it was corrected when this was being written.

Lily: Is it scientifically possible for Santa Claus to exist? I suppose it's possible for anything to exist, but explorers have yet to discover his North Pole workshop, so I would say it's unlikely that it's scientifically provable. Magically, on the other hand...

Peter: Don't bring me down this road again, Lily. Sirius and James messed with me about this when we were first years.

Sirius: To be fair, you were asking for it.

James: To be fair, we were both raving berks when we were younger.

Lily: And you're not any longer?

James: Well, we've calmed down considerably, at the very least.

Name: A girl with really bad hair days often
What do all of you use in your hair?

Remus: Just normal shampoo and stuff. Unlike a certain Slytherin who looks as if he doesn't know what shampoo is.

Sirius: We tried to get Prongs to use some hair products on that mop he calls his hair, but it...didn't work.

James: I looked like a poodle for half the day.

Peter: An orange poodle.

James: Why *did* that stuff turn my hair orange?

Sirius: Actually, I'm not sure. Maybe it was the combination of items we used? They don't label those things for magical interactions.

James: See the horrors I suffer with this git around? *melodrama*

Sirius: Har har har. *rolls eyes*

Name: MadMabMae
What happens when Snape catches a cold?

Sirius: An angel gets its wings!

Lily: No, that's when a bell rings, you twit.

Sirius: Oh boo.

James: I would imagine that's where typhoons come from. You know, when he sneezes.

Peter: Isn't that the wrong time of year and location?

Remus: And you give him way too much credit there.

Lily: Typhoons are in the Pacific. But it is the right time of year, if we're talking about a fall or winter cold. But I think Snape is just a little unhappier when he has a cold. I don't think he causes large-scale weather systems halfway around the globe.

Name: Matt "The Demon Marluxia Killed"
Would it take much beer to get Sirius and James drunk?

Peter: Surprisingly, yes and no.

Lily: Yes and no?

Peter: Depends on what you put in the beer. That is, if we're talking about real beer. Butterbeer isn't exactly alcoholic. Unless you're a house elf, that is.

Remus: And how much alcohol was in said beer after things were added to it.

James: You DID put something in that one beer we tried! Argh!

Sirius: I have to say, the leprechauns were still fun to watch.

James: You hallucinated them while nearly being given alcohol-poisoning!

Sirius: Hey, I'm still here, so no harm done.

James: Do you remember everything that happened while drunk?

Sirius: ....now that you mention it, no. So maybe some harm was done, but I am still alive and no in prison, so I figure it turned out alright.

Name: Mae
Why do the Flying Monkeys only come out at night?

James: Because they're actually vampires coming for your blood.

Sirius: Or maybe they have day jobs working as accountants in order to pay for their monkey-lair so they can only wreak havoc after hours.

Lily: ....

James: Yeah, um, what?

Sirius: *grins*

Name: Krissy
Do you guys know any languages?

James: We know English.

Lily: That's debatable.

James: We can converse well enough that I think we can say we know it.

Sirius: I know a bit of French, though to be honest I've forgotten more than I ever learned. We know some Latin, too, but that's mostly for spellwork and reading older texts and things.