Ask the Marauders > May 5, 2006

From: ~SQUIGGLY~
Hey y'all. Have any of you ever thought about using Sirius as a bloodhound to help find missing possessions or people?

Sirius: Use who for a what now?

James: Haha, that's a good idea, Squiggly. Maybe we can use him to track Snape.

Sirius: I don't want to go sniffing Snape, thanks.

Peter: Well, it's not like you'd have to sniff too close. I'm sure you could sniff him out from quite a ways away.

Lily: You could also use his powers for good. Like tracking down Death Eaters for the Aurors and things like that.

Remus: That's a great idea, Lily.

Sirius: Why am I the one that always gets used? *sad puppy dog eyes*

Remus: Because you are the one who turns into a dog?

Sirius: *growls at Remus*

From: Hermione
Lily, in the last AtM (and in my last question) why were you so eager to scratch Sirius' stomach? James, were you worried about that?

Lily: I'm a big animal lover. Especially dogs and cats.

James: It's true. I think she's the only one that Padfoot'll play fetch with. Then again, I think he secretly likes to play fetch, but is too embarrassed to admit it.

Sirius: *growls at James*

James: But yeah, not worried about it. I think I have Lily's singular attention in the romantic respect.

Lily: Sirius is like the little brother I never had.

Sirius: Little brother?

Lily: You have the emotional maturity of a 5 year old. I consider you an adorable, if sometimes annoying, little brother.

Remus & Peter: *snickers*

From: Boringme
Have anyone of you tried being a vegetarian? If not, I dare you!

James: I don't eat venison, but I do like chicken and other meat, so I guess not. But veggies are alright.

Lily: I would give it a try sometime, I guess. I'm willing to try just about anything food-wise, so long as it's identifiable.

Sirius: I need my meat! Meat, I tell you!

Remus: I need meat as well. So I probably wouldn't make it being a vegetarian.

Peter: Um, I guess so? Most of the stuff that I like to eat doesn't have meat, so I think I could manage it.

From: Sara
If James would turn into a dog, what sort would he be?

Sirius: *evil grin* A little lap dog, or one of those dogs girls carry about in bags. He could be with Lils all the time, then.

James: Har har har.

Lily: I see him more like a sheep dog, actually. Protective of his herd and very disheveled.

James: *sigh*

Remus: It IS better to be protective than be a tiny yappy thing, Prongs.

From: SASHIExx
Did you know that penguins are taking over Hogwarts?

Peter: Is that why it's been getting colder in the castle lately?

James: I think that's just you, Pete.

Remus: Maybe the castle is getting more drafty with each day?

Sirius: Though, penguins are pretty neat. And always dressed for the occasion.

Lily: But would that mean we'd have to eat fish only now? I mean, I don't mind fish so much, but not all day, every day.

From: mong e
Hey guys! Sorry Sirius, I just have to know. When Sirius wants something, do you make him do tricks for it?

James: We have, occasionally.

Sirius: When they want to be cruel to animals, he means. You are a mean bloke, James Potter!

James: *raises an eyebrow* This from the guy who has tried to use me as a hat rack.

Sirius: But you're so convenient!

James: *rolls eyes*

Remus: Children, stop it now. *sigh*

James & Sirius: Yes, mom. *snickers*

From: Person
What would you do if you found out one of you was gay?

Sirius: Um, nothing? Or set'im up on ridiculous blind dates!

Remus: I pity any of us who have to deal with Padfoot's blind dates...

James: You tried to do that to me when you wanted to make me get over Lily in sixth year.

Lily: You tried to set him up with guys?

Peter: No, birds. Only birds. He couldn't find any redheads that are as feisty as you, though.

Lily: Thanks, I think.

Sirius: Prongs does love his redheads feisty.

James: But yeah, we wouldn't care. Unless, of course, they tried to jump me. That might get a little weird, but that's purely because I don't think of any of you that way.

Sirius: But what will we tell the children? *mock sad face*

James: *sigh*

Remus: We will tell the children that Padfoot is a bloke who is out of his mind on occasion.

From: Rhi
What would you do if you were in Ron's position (from the GoF movie) when McGonagall asked him to demonstrating dancing?

Sirius: I'd show McGonagall a few steps she doesn't know. *waggles eyebrows* Or at least tango around the room.

Remus: You would. I'd be a little embarassed, but deal with dancing.

James: I'd be about as embarrassed as Ron, most likely. Like we've mentioned before, I'm not much of a dancer.

Peter: I'd try to hide or run away? Or at least be beet red the whole time.

From: Snuffles Lover
Sirius, how did you feel when you heard that Voldemort had got someone to kill Regulus? I mean, I know you didn't get on that well, but he is still your brother...

Sirius: ....

James: You alright, mate?

Sirius: ...erm, well, as much as I figured that could happen, what with him being stupid enough to join the Death Eaters and all, I think it still made me feel a bit sad. I mean, he wasn't a bad kid, just caught up in all our parents' nonsense.

From: I'm sane I swear
Which New Jersey law is dumber?
'If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates,' or, 'It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.'

James: The knitting one. You should at least get some sort of penalty harsher than the license plate thing for drinking and driving, which I think you do, but the knitting one makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER.

Remus: I think they have a separate section of laws for drinking and driving.

Sirius: What would happen if you do knit during the fishing season? I mean, I suppose you should be out fishing, if you're a fisherman, but what if you're not. What if you're a tailor! Or if you sold jumpers or something? Or what if you just really like to knit? Isn't that against one freedom or another to restrict a man's right to knit?

Lily: *blink blink* Wow, that was rather... impassioned.

Peter: I think Padfoot secretly likes to knit and we'll all be getting jumpers for Christmas.

Remus: *snickers*

Sirius: Watch it, Wormtail, or yours will have a neck hole that's just a tad too small...

Peter: Eep!

From: Mandy
Out of all of you, which do you think would be the most likely able to prosper in theatre? ...well...we can definitely say not Sirius...

Sirius: Why not? I can be plenty theatrical!

James: Oh, how true that is...

Peter: I think Moony's the only one that's actually read anything theatrical, so maybe him?

Remus: Thanks, I think?

James: Though Padfoot has read over his shoulder a couple times. He does a wicked impression of that Hamlet bloke...

Sirius: Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here all week! *grins*

From: ...
Does it ever bother you guys that people use the website as an 'Ask Abby' column? It's called 'Ask the Marauders', and (no offense) you bunch aren't much known for wisdom and intelligence. Well, two of you aren't at any rate...

James: Padfoot, I have the feeling that this one's implying that we're not intelligent.

Sirius: I don't see how that's possible. We get great marks in school. We just screw around a lot.

Lily: Never has there been a bigger understatement uttered.

Sirius: *grins*

James: But to answer the question, it doesn't bother us so much. It's certainly a change from the 'what's your favorite prank' and 'will you marry me' questions.

Remus: As well as all the questions that deal with the various books out there.

Lily: And those two don't talk much during those questions, anyway. Guess they don't like making cracks if it's something relatively serious.

Sirius: We have some sense of propriety.

James: A teeny, *tiny* sense, at least. *grins*

From: Carrotcake
Do you guys like Doctor Who, and if you do, do you think David Tennant is a better Doctor than Christopher Eccleston? Because I think he is!*hugs*

Sirius: Who?

James: Doctor Who.

Sirius: That's what I was asking. Doctor Who?

James: Exactly!

Sirius: GAH!

Lily: Sirius, Doctor Who is a television series. Carrotcake is asking who we prefer in the title roll.

Sirius: Oh. Why didn't she just ask that then?

James: *snickers*

Lily: *sigh*

Peter: Um, I've not seen it, so I don't know. I do know that David Tennant is the bloke who played Barty Jr. in Goblet of Fire. Can't really base an opinion off that, though.

Sirius: I obviously haven't seen it, either. Sorry Carrotcake!

James: I heard this got included because Angie rather fancies the show, so maybe she should answer. Unless you've seen it, Lils?

Lily: Not much of it. Sorry, it's just not my thing, I guess. Remus?

Remus: It's a sort of strange show...apparently the Doctor and Rose go time travelling and getting into all kinds of situations.

Angie: We haven't gotten the David Tennant episodes over here yet, so I can't say. We're still with Christopher Eccleston as the Doctor, and I enjoy his sarcastic, witty Doctor. Even though his Doctor appears to have Prince Charles ears. *snickers*

From: Chocoholic
So, Sirius, we understand you're not watching Remus in the shower. But do you watch living girls in the shower? Because that would explain why I feel like I'm being watched while showering.

Remus: I don't think Lily lets him watch living girls in the shower.

Lily: He does not watch girls in the shower. Or anyone in the shower. He tried that and all he got for his efforts was a swift kick in the shins from yours truly.

Sirius: Still smarts, you know.

Lily: Baby.

Sirius: How about I kick you in the shin and you tell me how much it doesn't hurt.

James: I'm afraid I can't allow violence against my girlfriend, mate.

Sirius: But you'll let her beat me up?

James: It's funny to see you beat up by a girl, for one. And, well, you did bring it on yourself.

Sirius: *pouts*

From: Miss Trickster
Hey y'all! If you were a newspaper article, what would your headline say?

Sirius: 'Sirius Black: Sexiest Man Alive'

James: *snickers* Not likely. You're not alive, you twit.

Sirius: ....small set back.

James: More like 'Sirius Black: Killed by Drapery.'

Sirius: I thought we'd agreed we'd not make fun of my untimely death any more.

Lily: I think he's got you there, dear.

James: Like that's stopped me before.

Sirius: 'James Potter: Mocks Best Mate's Death'

James: Har har. At least no coat rack jokes.

Sirius: That's not a newsflash. We all know you're a damn coat rack.

Lily: 'Lily Evans: She didn't know what she was marrying into.'

James: Lils! *pouts*

Lily: *grins*

Remus: 'Remus Lupin: Voted Professor of the Century'

Sirius: Wouldn't that be 'Remus Lupin: Voted Most Likely to Eat a Dictionary'?

James: No, that would've been his superlative had he gone to an American high school.

Peter: Sadly I doubt that I would do anything interesting enough to warrant a newspaper article. Well, aside from obvious canon events....

James: Meh, no one reads the paper seriously nowadays, anyway. It's all biased one way or another, so it's just nonsense.