Ask the Marauders > October 17, 2003

From: sunshine
If you guys could go forward in time to when Umbridge was torturing Harry, what would you do to her? And I really, really, really love you guys (and Lily)!!!! Thanx! ^.^

Remus: My first instinct is to let Snape use her as a potion test subject.

Sirius: Since we can't always get our hands on Snape.

James: Perhaps dropping her from the quidditch goals?

Sirius: No! Even better! There was that one torture that won in the contest where you string the person up on the goals and smack bludgers at them. That's even better!

James: You're right!

Lily: There is nothing severe enough for that woman. But give me 20 minutes and a locked room. That's all I need.

Boys: *stare*

Lily: What? Mothering instinct. No one messes with my son!

James: Heh...never making you mad...

From: Padfoot127
Do you think you guys could help me with this one? It's been bugging me forever... but, where's Waldo?

Remus: Waldo?

Lily: Muggle book. There are these really crowded cartoon scenes and you have to find this specific guy.

James: And I guess a locator spell won't work?

Lily: That's not the point of the book, sweetheart.

James: ...oh.

Sirius: We used to have a gardner named Waldo. Don't know what happened to him... I think mum did something when her prize roses wilted that one summer. *sigh*

From: BuTtOnS
What is your favourite Muggle drink (as in Pepsi, Coca Cola, etc.)? By the way I love you guys!!! And I hate you Peter!!!

Remus: I've never really had Muggle drinks like that.

Lily: I like root beer quite a bit. Root beer floats are yummy.

James & Sirius: CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKES!

Lily: *smiles* Figures...

From: umm...
FACT OF THE DAY!!!!!!!!! Dog spelled backwards is God, so Remus and Sirius ARE actually GOD! ^^

Sirius: I tol...

Lily: Don’t even say it, you’re not God.

Sirius: *pouts*

Remus: *pondering* Hmm, the spellchecker Robyn has at work is stupid.

James: Why is that, Moony?

Remus: It’s telling us that my name isn't a word.

Sirius: Here, I can fix that. After all, I’m G...

Lily: Sirius...

Sirius: *pouts more*

Remus: Lily, why don't you let him have his moment of fun?

From: Beckip
Have you ever played baseball? And if you haven't, you know it's a really good opportunity to hit Snape in the head with something hard... And Sirius, I love you. See ya!

James: Never played the sport, but it sounds alright. Robyn’s rather stuck on the game. Nearly went nuts last night watching that game in New York.

Sirius: We don’t really need another excuse to hit him in the head with something hard. It’s fun already.

Lily: *sigh* Boys...

Remus: Sirius does have a point, though. They never need an excuse to do that.

From: Paige
OK! If you answer this question, I will quit trying to get you to answer any... All of you including Snape... If you had to do homework for one single class (not breakfast, lunch, or dinner Peter!) every day for the rest of your life, what class would it be? Thank you so much! I LOVE Y'ALL!

Lily: Easy. I’d do Charms homework. I already enjoy it, so that wouldn’t be so bad.

Sirius: Lils, how can you *enjoy* homework? *looks aghast*

James: Heh, if we *have* to choose, I guess Transfiguration wouldn’t be so bad for eternity. McGonagall loves me anyway, even if she yells at me when her desk turns into strange things sometimes, *winks*

Peter: I rather like Herbology, myself.

Remus: I'd do Defense Against the Dark Arts homework. That class is fun!

Sirius: Gah, I guess I have to pick something. History of Magic, then, since it’s really easy to pull information out of a textbook and spit it back out again for Binns.

Snape: I don't know why I was dragged into this, but the answer should be obvious even to your puny mind.

From: Anonymous
Remus, Snape, and Lily, if you guys could (voluntarily) turn into animals, what animals would you pick?

Lily: Hmmm, I’ve not thought a great deal about becoming an animagus...

James: You should, it’s fun. *grins*

Remus: Interesting. The spellchecker doesn’t like the word “animagus” either...

Lily: *rolls eyes* ...but I’d have to say an eagle or a hawk. I’ve always wanted to fly.

Sirius: Aside from those midnight broomstick rides with Prongs, of course.

Lily: Of course. *grins*

Remus: If I could choose to change into something, I'd go with a bat.

From: Alex
Fill in the blank: When life hands you lemons, _____________________.

James: Throw them at Snape?

Sirius: Make Snake eat them one after another until his eyes explode?

Lily: *sigh* make lemonade, you gits.

James: But Lily dear, that’s not as fun. Unless you douse Snape with said lemonade, of course.

Remus: How about we hex them so they explode in Malfoy's ugly face?

From: Selene
What do you do when you're really tired but just can't fall asleep?

Sirius: I ban Prongs from answering this.

James: *curious* Why?

Sirius: Because you’re going to say something about Lils and make us want to puke.

Lily: But it’s sweet. ^^ And better than what you would say.

Sirius: Me? I think of prank ideas until I fall asleep. Or go implement said prank ideas if I don’t fall asleep.

Peter: Milk and cookies always helps me.

James: I usually don’t have trouble sleeping, but I either dream up prank ideas or think about Lily. *slow grin*

Lily: *blushes slightly* I read when I can’t sleep.

Remus: I either read a book or think about Alessa. *slow grin like James's*

Sirius: And he mocks me about Birdie...

From: Sir Salisbury
Greetings, noble Marauders. *bows* My assistant is going to shove a crude yet mystical digging tool up thy noses. What is thy reaction? And, yes, I know my Middle Ages speak reeks most profusely. Good day to thee. *bows*

ALL: *stares*

James: Well that was different. And I’d hex them three ways past Sunday. They wouldn’t get close enough to any of us, really.

Sirius: Yarr, I miss me pirate band. They knew how to talk like real men!

James: --;;

Remus: Yarr isn’t a word according to the spellchecker.

Sirius: Will you shut up about the sodding spellchecker?

Remus: Sodding isn’t a word either. *grins* And no.

Sirius: --;;

From: Kathy
What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Sirius: Colonel Sanders!

James: Nah, he came after and ate the chicken so there were no more eggs.

Lily: *rolls eyes*

Remus: The chicken had to have come first, otherwise there'd be no eggs.

From: Laura
Sirius, if you had the chance to play the ultimate prank on only one person, who would it be? Snape or your mother?

Sirius: Ohhhh, tough choice. My mum, probably. Snape’s a git, but at least he’s spying for the good side. My mum’s just a waste of space.

From: Tiddlywinks
So I'm walking in the forest and something licks my hair. What is it?

James: Padfoot. He got hungry. *evil grin*

Remus: Haha, you’re nickname isn’t word, Padfoot! I knew that ‘prongs’ was an actual word, but I wasn’t expecting ‘moony’ to be one.

Sirius: *glares*

Lily: Hope it’s not one of the indigenous creatures?

Remus: Or it could be Prongs mistaking it for some deer food.

James: Oh ha ha, Moony.

Sirius: Yeah, Prongs would rather nibble on Lily than someone's hair. *evil grin*

Lily: Sirius.... *blushes*

From: Macbeth W. Cauldrina
If you could be the almighty god-ruler-thing of one major element, what would it be? By element I mean fire, water, earth, light, dark, etc.

Sirius: We went over this already. I’m G... *stopped by Lily, who’s got her hand over his mouth*

Lily: Git...

James: Fire would be cool, but so would water. It’s the most powerful force on Earth, after all.

Peter: Air would be neat. You could make yourself fly and stuff.

Sirius: Mmmmfph!

James: What?

Sirius: *takes Lily’s hand away* I want fire, then. *grins*

Remus: I'd want to have power over light.

From: Ash
*evil grin* What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? Props to the one who guesses it right.

Sirius: *snickers*

James: *sigh* Robyn let him watch Holy Grail one time.

Lily: One too many times, you mean.

Sirius: So, is it an African or European swallow?

Remus: I think European swallow. African swallows are non-migratory.

Sirius: Hmm, you have a point there, Moony.

James: *aside to Lily and Peter* What the deuce are they talking about?

Peter: Haven't the foggiest.

Lily: It's a Monty Python thing. *sigh*

From: violet_angel07
Sirius, I love you! Everyone has to answer this: What did you all play with as a child??

James: Had a toy broom.

Remus: I had a toy broom, but I preferred the wizard's chess set.

Lily: Dolls mostly. When we were real little, Petunia would play with me. Then she got mean when I got my letter. *sigh*

Peter: My cousins made me play dolls. *grumbles*

Sirius: Love you too. *grins* Feeling a lot of love from this crowd. And I had a toy broom, too. But Regulus would cry if I beat him in our races. *rolls eyes* That was always fun.

Remus: But you will be happy to know that he’s not a word.

Sirius: Praise the spellchecker!